Saturday was a lovely day with the babies, spoiled only by me getting a dose of mastitis. I was in total agony and can’t describe the pain, only to say that getting stabbed by a thousand knives couldn’t have been any worse. The midwife recommended expressing milk as the best way to clear the blockage causing the pain but just the thought of it was toe-curling and made me grit my teeth, and to physically attach a breast pump was impossible. Hot showers, massage and hand expressing seems to have done the trick for now…
On Saturday evening I was told I’d have to leave my room at the hospital as it was needed for another parent. I was totally devastated and burst into tears. After being so happy to have cuddled Joe, and being in such pain with the mastitis I think my emotions had run into over-drive and he thought of not being able to be near my babies was awful. When I went to say good-bye to them I burst into tears again. I felt like such a fool. My rational side was telling me that I am only an hour away and it would be lovely to see my other children and sleep in my own bed, but unfortunately my irrational side overtook somewhat.
I decided that I was going to stop expressing, that I hated the nurses, I hated this hospital, and I wanted the babies transferred home ASAP. I was quite irrational. Poor David couldn’t say the right thing. Thank goodness he has experience of me saying bizarre things after giving birth and knows I don’t really mean what I say.
I think the nurses took pity on my fragile emotional state because I am now back in Room 2 at the hospital. I can’t tell you how good it is to be back here knowing I can pop down the corridor and be with Joe and Harry in a minute.
To David: Sorry for acting like a crazy woman. That’s what happens when someone gets between a mummy and her babies. Thank you for putting up with my oddities. I love you.