Tuesday, 9 March 2010

A day of mixed emotions

Yesterday was a day of highs and lows. I went in to discover that baby Riley, in the incubator opposite Harry who was born two days before the twins, had died that morning. I'll never forget the grief and pain on his mum's face, and his dad sat sobbing in the corner. I hugged his mum and told her how sorry I am, but what else could I say? Nothing would take her pain away and nothing I could say would make her feel better. I felt so guilty leaving her and going to see my two babies. The whole atmosphere in the unit was different yesterday and there were more tears from everyone as each parent came in and asked where Riley was and the nurse had to explain, again. Riley hadn't been ill and no-one was expecting it so it really brings home just how fragile these little ones still are.

Both Harry and Joe continue to be stable, and both have had their ventilator settings tweaked down. Joe's oxygen levels were around 60% but his rate of breaths per minute was reduced to 40. Harry's settings are almost as low as they can go, they are just reducing the pressures now. His morphine has been reduced so his respiratory system isn't depressed - another step towards cpap.

Both babies were weighed and are almost exactly the same size - Harry: 836grams and Joe: 843grams. This is about 1lb 13oz. They also had exactly the same head circumferance of 23.6cm. Actually that sounds very small so I will check that, I think I may have misheard.

The babies' great aunty Liz came to visit yesterday and they were on their best behaviour. She took some pictures so I will add them to the blog tonight. It was lovely to see you Liz, thank you for coming.

After the horrible start, the day ended on a real high. Joe came out for a proper cuddle!!! The nurses got him all ready while I put on a hospital gown, then they popped him against my chest, adjusted his tubes and left us for a whole hour. It was so wonderful, and he seemed sooo tiny out of his little greenhouse. It was so relaxing I could have fallen asleep and Joe coped with it all really well and slept through the whole thing. He was a bit twitchy each time there was a noise, but I suppose that's because everything must seem so much louder to him in the real world.

Off to the hospital again soon so another update and pics tonight.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear about little Riley. I'm glad you hugged his mummy. I think you said exactly the right thing.

    Glad that your boys are doing well and that you got a proper cuddle with Joe. I must have fallen asleep in the unit more than once myself, it is just so relaxing to have those cuddles.