5 weeks 1 day

Just a quick update and a pic of Joe from this morning's visit.

Poor Joe is looking very unwell. His colour is poor, he isn't saturating well despite being on over 90% oxygen, and he is very quiet and unresponsive. He will usually wave his arms and legs about and generally make a bit of fuss if he is handled but today there was nothing, no reaction from him at all.

His left lung has partially collapsed so he is positioned on his right side to help him breathe a little easier, and he is on diuretics to reduce any fluid around his heart and lungs to make breathing less of a struggle.

Just as I was leaving for 'quiet time' (they have three quiet times a day where all parents have to leave) he opened his eyes and looked at me, so I know he's still there, fighting. I hope he manages to turn a corner soon, he doesn't deserve to be suffering so much.

In complete contrast Harry is doing really well. He is active and his colour is great and the doctors are talking about trying to wean him off the ventilator and onto cpap. This is such wonderful news and such a huge step. I doubt it will be in the next day or two, but hopefully it's not far away. Once babies are onto cpap they can come out for proper cuddles, I can't wait! Sometimes I feel so guilty that they are missing out on normal babyhood but being able to hold them will go some way towards letting them know how loved and wanted they are, no matter what.

I sometimes wonder why I have been lucky enough to get two such perfect, tiny people, but I thank God for giving them to me.

A pic of Harry is coming up.