One whole year old!

Exactly a year ago I was about to give birth. At just after eight pm my two little boys made their very sudden, but not unexpected, early arrival. To say the last twelve months have been a roller coaster of emotions would be an understatement.

The first three days I was all over the place. Immediately after the birth I was blaming myself, apologising and just wanted the world to stop. After three or four hours NICU had stabilised the babies and we were allowed to see them. Once I saw them I had absolute faith that they would be okay. They didn't look much like babies and were covered in wires and tubes, but they were mine and I loved them right from the beginning. I couldn't touch them, or spend more than a few minutes with them as they needed such intensive care but I was in some kind of post-birth euphoria which lasted until I arrived in Portsmouth with them two days later. When we arrived in Portsmouth we were shown to the parents waiting room and told NICU was closed to parents as the drs were trying to stabilise a very sick baby. We waited in that room for two hours before being told that it wasn't one of my babies that was ill. I cannot describe how sick I felt thinking that my baby was dying across the hallway and I wasn't able to be with him. In the whole of the twelve weeks they were in Portsmouth that never happened again. It was incredibly bad luck that this happened on our first visit when we were so unfamiliar with everything and everyone.

The emotions continued to be honest until I finally got the babies home. Juggling home and hospital life was challenging to say the least. After seventeen long weeks the babies came home and the fun really began :)

I have been both dreading and looking forward to today. Dreading the inevitable emotions that would arise, yet looking forward to celebrating such a special year. It's been such a wonderful day. The babies had their first taste of cake, and have loved all their new toys. Pics coming up in a few minutes.....